Common attachment styles
The three common attachment styles can be described in terms of behavior when dropping off a loved one at the airport. • Secure attachment – A securely attached person might hug or kiss their loved one and gaze after them for a few moments before leaving. • Anxious attachment – A person with anxious attachment might embrace many times, talk of future reconnection, and not leave until necessary. • Avoidant attachment – A person with avoidant attachment might say, “Have fun,” and leave immediately.Attachment styles are best understood as dimensions on a continuum. People don’t have one exclusive attachment style but rather a pattern of behavior that we generally default to. “Attachment styles are just like personality,” Peter explained. “They tend to be fairly stable, but they’re not immutable.” In terms of the Hogan Development Survey (HDS), which measures derailers or overused strengths under stress, the two insecure attachment types loosely correspond to two scales: anxious to Colorful and avoidant to Reserved.
“Relationships are really important, and attachment is the personality psychologist’s best tool for understanding relationships,” Peter said, including relationships at work. Secure workers tend to be more satisfied at work and have higher levels of performance in most jobs, while those who are more anxious or avoidant express less satisfaction with work and may be more likely to engage in counterproductive workplace behaviors. The anxious people might seem disruptive and clingy, and the avoidant people might seem antisocial and uncooperative. Attachment theory holds that all people want love and security—even on some level from our leaders and coworkers. If, for example,anxious people are paired with secure leaders who are willing to give them the attention and connection they desire, they don’t feel triggered because their fears of abandonment or betrayal are assuaged. Secure attachment in the workplace is connected to structure and consideration. Most workers want to know what will happen, what they are expected to do every day, and that somebody at the organization cares about them. Particularly given the Great Resignation, attachment theory speaks to our need to feel connected and engaged at work. Peter suggested that, after alienating workers through relationship-destroying remote work since 2020, it is not too surprising that employees are seeking to fill a psychological need by finding workplaces where they receive appreciation.
Attachment and Leadership Strategic self-awareness is a key component of leadership development and organizational success. Leaders who understand attachment styles can build secure workplace relationships. Secure and avoidant leaders tend to be more readily promoted, especially avoidant leaders who may conform to highly masculine “bro company” workplace cultures that value toughness and independence. Avoidant leaders are less likely to be aware of or able to foster the connection and security that employees desire. Anxious leaders, in contrast, might be able to create employee satisfaction and positive team dynamics, but they often struggle with discipline and direction. They may worry about harming the relationship they have with their workers or driving their employees away, or worry about betrayal from their employees and peers. To the far more numerous avoidant leaders, Peter advised, “Make sure there’s someone in your organization that people can go to. If you can’t necessarily be there for people emotionally, you can create the context where the organization is caring.” The Rise of the Avoidant Dimension The organizational implications of attachment style are critical. Originally, attachment data showed that about 60% of people were securely attached, 20% anxious, and 20% avoidant. But more recent surveys have shown that millennials and Gen Z have different dimensions of attachment, with only 40% secure, 20% anxious, and 40% avoidant.
